ophidiophobic tendencies………..

The movie edged forward,and the lead actor went in to her own whimsical world………………,
where she visions herself,inching towards the moving train almost on the verge of boarding it.
The above anatomy of words,must have already told you which motion picture it was and I could relate to that fear,not because I have missed trains,but because of the fact that my fears surreptitiously disguise themselves and trudge in to my dreams………….
At the age of 34 I still whirl around the fear of completing my assignments,qualifying exams,which I appeared for, a decennium back.My own insecurities cloaked and hooded loom over me.
Six months back I landed a job in a prestigious school,selected among ten literature candidates for the post of a English teacher.The interview was walk in……..I saw candidates with Wren and Martin Grammar text books in hand,hastily turnining away pages ,bargaining with the nuances of the language to be committed to their memories and I was hushed up,my eyes adamant that it would not stagger near those theorems of the language.
Candidates went in and out of the Principal’s cabin,literature postgraduates,in service English teachers,vacant faces….and I was unable to squeeze out the adventures inside..
I flipped pages of textbooks kept aside….
I was called in,and a middle aged lady,engrossed in pages,contemplating the portrayal of a banker in race for the post of a teacher motioned to me to sit, I introduced myself,and an apprehensive gaze hoisted itself,to cast an eye on me as to why a banker was here for a teacher’s job ?
She gave a cheerful smile,when I articulated the discussion towards domestic responsibilities that led me out of that money handling job,which made me toil for twelve hours a day.
Visibly she was impressed.’you are confident ,she said.why don’t you take a demo class?”
Articles for class VIII?Articles?I gasped,for the past fifteen years Articles never existed for me.
I went berserk…half and hour she said and I took the book…
VIII-C she said in thirty minutes………..
Articles were not clumsy as me,they were agile and bounced into my kitty………….
I joined the school……now after all this,u must be wondering,what is the fear?…………
The dreams that throttle , of me being thrown out of the job…………..reason being…I am not a literature graduate…………
The smothering feeling that I would again be a “no identity”…………like I was for four years when I played a docile daughter in law prompt enough to contentededly asphyxiate her dreams for a congenial ambience at home………
I dread that masqueraded contentment that I imposed on myself…………….
I see the school,my class,adverbs and adjectives,hobbling among the words that I speak…….and I can see the Head of the School……….I never heard what she says, as she tiptoes into my fantasy land………..coiled in clandestine thoughts…
But…………………MY FEAR……….

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